In a few weeks, my husband, son, and I will welcome a new member to our family.
The new baby is healthy and big. He's due the day before my birthday and, if he's born around then, he'll be a Pisces and a Goat/Sheep just like me (not that I'm a horoscope believer, but I thought it was interesting to note). He moves and kicks and punches a lot, rarely gets the hiccups (my first son had hiccups a lot), and despite being much more tired with this pregnancy, I've had fewer problems in some ways with it than I did with my first son: more physical (e.g. ankles and hand swelling, sciatica pain, more heartburn, more stretch marks, etc.) and less serious issues (e.g. no passing out, no liver/gall bladder failure, no gestational diabetes, etc.).
I'm definitely still of the opinion that pregnancy is far from a beautiful experience and I'm looking forward to being done with it soon even though I'm dreading the labor and delivery and the sleeplessness that will follow. It's an interesting dichotomy of feeling: anticipation and trepidation, that I know will persist throughout the life of this child.
With children, so far it seems that every step in their growth is both more and less challenging than the previous. My first son has been an amazing teacher for me and I feel like I'm a pretty good mom to him. Through no fault of his own, he's brought up things from my past that were unresolved and I've had to deal with, heal, and grow through those things. I feel like a better human being for having been his mother for the past few years and I look forward to our future together and only occasionally mourn the past and even then, only some aspects of it.
Despite the material from my previous post, I've had significantly less stress during this pregnancy. With my first son I was an emotional wreck (Maslow's hierarchy of needs was largely met with question marks) and I was still messily getting out of a relationship with his father; with this one, I know where we're going to live and how, and I have a wonderfully supportive partner.
It really makes a huge difference to know that when I'm going over the wall into the battle, someone is covering me. I'm also more confident in my abilities to survive and to thrive. Even if things were to go to hell in a hand-basket, I know that I am fully capable of getting us all back out. I did it once, I can do it again.
We had a baby shower this past weekend and it made things very real for me. This baby is about to be here. He could show up any day now. I think I have almost everything we need, but I'm sure there are things I've forgotten. It's weird how some days, it's still unreal that we're about to welcome a new baby, and some days, it's all I can think about. I guess that's part of pregnancy though.
I hope that I'll be a good mom to two boys.
I hope that my first son is a good big brother and that my second son is a good little brother.
I hope that my husband and I work well together during this time. It'll be the hardest thing we've done together, while admittedly, probably the best thing we've done so far as well.
Thanks for reading today. I hope that your day's journey brings you closer to your dreams.