Friday, March 19, 2010

Some kind of -itis

"Sooo, I love my job and I love my baby.
I used to love my life, but now sometimes, I just kinda like it, maybe."


I wonder if this is a common thing... to be so torn between working and wanting to be home to raise my child. I accept that I have to work so that we can have insurance and so that I can provide us with food, clothes, shelter, and toys. I don't like that it means that the daycare workers see my son awake more than I do and that they are so intimately responsible for shaping him.

The other day, I heard that they were going to move a child up to the next classroom. Since my son has been almost walking (he'll walk all over if I hold one hand, and a little on his own), saying little words, doing some signs, and knocking things over... while none of the others were as mobile or advanced... I really thought it would be him. However, there was a baby who is technically a few months older than him, but because she was premature she's still developmentally behind him (I read that very premature babies don't generally catch up to their same-age peers until they're 2 years old) but they decided to move her up instead. I was okay with this until I heard that they weren't moving any other babies up for almost two more months.

Two months from now, my child will be running over everyone in the baby room, including the newest babies which enter at 3 months. For the next two months he basically won't be learning anything new from watching or interacting with his classmates because he's more advanced than them. Then I started feeling anxious because they're not inspiring my son. I don't want him to be bored and feel like things are too easy. He's learned all he can in the baby room, he needs to be up with the toddlers. He's already trying to climb the fence to get in with the older kids... but there's not room in the next level yet. It would be different if it was just another week or so till he moved up, but MONTHS?!

So, what am I supposed to do? At home during the evenings and weekends, I'm teaching him, talking to/with him, reading to him, signing with him, playing him music and singing him songs, showing him educational videos, pausing to talk about what's on the screen, and helping him stretch his physical and mental facilities as much as I can in varied ways.

At school this morning, I talked to the daycare teachers, expressing my concerns, and asked them to bring in some puzzles and toys that require more thought so that hopefully he'll be able to problem-solve and be entertained instead of just throwing things around and knocking things over. I'm going to have to talk to the daycare leaders though and tell them that this sort of thing isn't acceptable. If he's more ready to move up than someone else, he should be moved up... REGARDLESS OF AGE... if they can't do this, and keep my son inspired and constantly learning, I will have to find some other place to take him.

Ability should come before personal feelings. My son is more able than the other child and should've been promoted first.

If I were a stay-at-home mother, this wouldn't be a problem. I'm frustrated and angry that I don't have the control I want over my son's educational opportunities and potential future... instead it's left up to others. And yes, I'm grateful for them, they do a good job in general, but it'll never be as good as what I would do.

It makes me resent having to be at work. I enjoy my job in general. I like my coworkers. I love being on campus. But I would much rather be with my son. Sometimes, feeling this way, causes my work to suffer.

Thoughts? Ideas for what to do? How to deal with this sort of thing?

1 comment:

  1. There is a simple fix to all of your problems. Rob a bank. You don't have to rob the biggest most fancy bank either. Drive out to one of those small Texas towns that only have one traffic light and get in and out before they know what happened. I'll even watch the little one while you do it. And just in case you were hoping for a useful suggestion I would say relax. As long as you are being a good parent you are doing all that you can.

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