Monday, July 27, 2009

Trainspotting and whatnot

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?

RENTON: I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who need reasons when you've got heroin?

This movie is one of the first things I saw in the theater when I got to college. My parents kept us from seeing Rated R movies in the house until after I was 17. Trainspotting was far and away the most liberating, horrible, and changing thing I'd seen up to that point. I'd never seen anything about drugs other than Health class films. I'd never known anyone in a club scene. It was sort of a crash course in a whole other world. I even read the book. (The glossary was a huge help since it's written in dialect.) I chose to read this book and watch this movie. I chose to bail on the goody two shoes life and be someone radically different in college... and not having the tools to deal with that choice, I got crushed like a bug by people who take advantage of people who are anxious to lose their innocence. I tried on a hundred different suits and I survived it but that's not the point here.

I didn't choose a regular life with the washers and dryers and game shows and all of that because I wanted to know more than that, because I wanted to experience other things. I still haven't chosen whatever life that is because I still want something more than that. I don't look down on the people who have all that, it's a nice life if you can swing it, and who knows? Maybe one of these days I'll turn into someone who wants that stuff, but for now, I mainly just want enough to get by and maintain my artistic integrity. I will never sell my soul for a job just to get THINGS... but I'm starting to feel the pull to get things for my son. It's weird, I want him to have EVERYTHING, but I don't want him to be spoiled. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out in the future.

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